


save me the waltz (revisited).

by DELIC4TESSEN



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Blink And You Miss It Slash, Canon deaths are mentioned, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Lee Yut-Lung/Sing Soo-Ling, Fluff and Angst, I Wrote This While Listening to Hozier's Music, Lee Yut-Lung Needs a Hug, Light Angst, M/M, One Shot, Other, Post-Canon, Spoilers, Tags Are Hard, Timeskip, Why Did I Write This?, giving nadia wong the screen time she deserves, i am sorry this is so ambiguous, i suck at tagging so im probably missing something, simp soo ling, sing centric i guess, sing quotes zack and cody on this because i know he would, sing soo ling is the tiniest baby on this one, they aren't children anymore, yasha does not exist it just doesn't
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-13 21:29:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29657580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DELIC4TESSEN/pseuds/DELIC4TESSEN
Summary: soon after shorter's death, chang dai started to feel a bit too empty for nadia's liking. that is, of course, until sing soo ling himself decided to come around and make amends.(or a short story on sing's found-family.)
Relationships: Lee Yut-Lung/Sing Soo-Ling
Kudos: 11





	save me the waltz (revisited).

**Author's Note:**

> this headcanon has been living rent-free in my mind and i am so so sorry if it makes no sense i just need some self-indulgence. also english is not my first language so apologies for any mistakes ! 
> 
> the songs that best suit this are cardinals by the wonder years and i exist i exist i exist by flatsound !! idk enjoy

> _"then what is it, between you two?"_ she asked, keeping sing close to her chest, his wider frame becoming slightly reminiscent of her late younger brother's. though it wasn't the same thing; nadia could recall how shorter smelt with the utmost perfection: it was always that cheap half-assed cologne and those cigarettes he swore-to-god he wasn't smoking. and sing, on the other hand, had the faintest scent of vanilla clinging to his skin.  
> the boy sighed. nadia's voice was ever so soft and tender, even when he was aware he had to be breaking her heart. his confession felt like a betrayal, and sing hated how he found himself wishing he was stronger. nevertheless, the warmth of her hand resting on the small of his back helped him find his voice, gathering enough confidence to at least stumble through the following statement, **"I don't know. I just... I think I might be in love with him."**

* * *

every single trip down memory lane had a bittersweet taste for sing. he still recalls how it felt back then, hearing the devastating news, them expecting so much more from him than what a normal fourteen-year-old would be able to offer, his childhood being torn apart out-of his tiny hands, one loss at a time. it was shorter at first, and then ash, and then lao, and he was oh-so-thankful the gang was keeping him busy enough to prevent him from spiraling down a grief-induced vortex.   
because he had seen yut-lung lose touch with reality first hand: sing stood right next to him as the heir threw champagne-fueled tantrums he liked to pretend he didn't understand (even though he was hurting just as bad).   
that's how nadia first appeared on his mind.   
it wasn't like sing had forgotten all about her. quite the opposite, even: shorter's sister's face had become an intrusive thought of sorts. he knew he had to meet her someday, he couldn't keep running away from her forever. deep down, he also knew it probably was his subconscious, trying to avoid stalling on what had happened.

for sing, the only way of moving was forwards. 

* * *

five whole months. that's what it took sing to set a foot inside of chang dai's. with all honestly, he walked by the establishment on a handful of occasions, thought of going in, and at the last minute, decided against it. he always said it didn't feel like the correct timing (but perhaps, the boy was just scared shitless).  
he was nearing his fifteenth birthday when he finally pushed the glass door open, the little bell that hung above his head ringing, putting him beneath the spotlight.   
nadia's face, behind the counter, looked as if she'd seen a ghost. and she probably had; several, even. her eyes seemed to tingle with tears as she ran past the few clients that stood in her way just to hold sing between her arms. that was the first hug he had received in years, and it made him felt like he was five again. he just latched onto nadia right then and there, as if his life depended on it. 

_and maybe, just maybe, it did._

* * *

sing was seventeen now and he was as almost as tall as shorter. he had been working part-time at the restaurant in the evenings, earning some "clean money", as he liked to call it. he'd recently told nadia about wanting to go to business school, which not only caught her by surprise but also made her extremely happy. she didn't say it out loud, but sing knew she wanted him out of the gang as soon as possible. (i mean, c'mon, she'd even offered him a permanent position as a cook, and sing didn't like to brag but he /had/ become a pretty good one, splitting his free time between nadia's kitchen, and his other responsibilities).  
although, he still didn't have the heart to tell her that he didn't plan on leaving his kids behind, no matter what kind of future lied ahead.

* * *

it was around the same date when sing found out what exactly was going on with him. he had been going to the lee's mansion after work, under the excuse of having "important gang-related issues" to discuss, but to be honest, he just didn't want yut-lung to be lonely.   
the guy was a hazard not only to society but to himself when he was all alone, and sing had no desire to be held responsible if something ended up happening to him.   
he must admit, it was a bit annoying at first, listening to the older boy whine endlessly over half-emptied glasses of wine, yet despite all that, sing learned to enjoy his company.  
however, it wasn't like he merely /grew accustomed/ to yut-lung's voice, greedy and demanding, crashing through the silent rooms of the house like waves of thunder, no. he /actually/ fancied the way he paced around the space, blood seemingly boiling with anger over something sing had once again forgotten. his attention hadn't been looming over his words then, sing couldn't bring himself to tear his eyes away from the way his long, pitch-black hair framed his pale face. it was hypnotic.  
not even hours after, while lying on his bed, with his stare glued to the yellowish ceiling of his adequate new york apartment, could sing stop theorizing about the way just looking at yut-lung made him feel, all warm and fuzzy inside.  
he knew it was wrong, wrong in ways he'd never be able to make right, but at the same time, he had spent so many years holding himself back from the things he cherished, that it now seemed like a crime.  
eventually, as the gorgeous lights of nightlife in chinatown made their way through sing's bedroom window, he drifted off to sleep, yut-lung's face being the last image on his mind.

* * *

a whole year passed before sing could put into words what that warmth that set on the pit of his stomach was, unmoveable, nerve-wracking, always emerging whenever yut-lung was in the near vicinity.   
he had yet to gather the courage to step up and tell him how he felt, but in that exact moment, with the older guy laying next to him, sunken into the most peaceful slumber, he thought it'd be a waste. yut-lung had fallen asleep right after dinner, and briefly before closing his eyes, mumbled something strangely similar to "stay". sing did not ask him to repeat himself, because he knew he wouldn't, and that's a sort of heartache he would much rather avoid.  
so he stayed nonetheless, resting on top of the fanciest bed he'd ever seen, on his side. in the spur of the moment, he tangled his fingers between the locks of black hair, gently caressing them in a barely noticeable way. he had never been this affectionate, he had never behaved like he's the evening breeze, and yut's nothing but leaves and bare trees in autumn.  
sing knows he has to tell him because there's no way the mutual trust they've been struggling so much to build will last any longer if he doesn't. but yut looks so peaceful like this, ignorant, oblivious, he just feels guilty he'll eventually have to disrupt him.   
the boy sighs, perhaps asking himself why, out of everyone on this planet, he had to go and fall in love with the one he was supposed to hate. sing was deep in thought when the lee's youngest decided to nuzzle closer to his body, burying his face on his chest, and his mind suddenly went blank.   
he gets it, though. thinking is almost impossible when the chinese heir is involved. sing had the unforeseen belief that he'd take a bullet for yut-lung, and he doesn't truly need to know if it's mutual. he doesn't care. he'd do it anyway.

and the thought scares him.

* * *

"somehow she knows", sing thought as he set down nadia's dish on the table, "she always knows". he could sense her eyes burning holes into his back as if he wasn't the one who was keeping secrets. he perched on the chair like he was about to run off from the restaurant's kitchen at the sight of any minor inconveniences.   
"spill it." her voice was clear, and for the first time, it startled him. he felt like he's about to get told off by his older sister, and in a way, he was: both he and nadia had found within each other what they had also lost. that was also why he was so afraid of sharing his (not) newfound feelings with her. sing was pretty much aware of what nadia thought of yut-lung, it was not like he needed to ask.   
he could physically sense his heart splitting in two, the same way it did all those years ago, only this time, he wasn't fourteen, he was no longer a child, and he refused to let go.   
"sing" nadia snapped his fingers in front of his face, she looked like she was beginning to get annoyed, and that was the last thing he wanted, "i won't sit down until you tell me what's up".  
"nothing's up, can't i just cook for you? you know, the quickest way to lose a woman is by forgetting to cherish her", sing mumbled, letting out a small, breathy laugh. he was trying so hard to divert the attention from the topic because he had no idea how to deal with it, that he was willing to do nearly anything. and for a moment, it seemed to work. the corners of nadia's lips tugged upwards slowly as if she was fighting back a smile. sometimes, it shook her to the core how this almost nineteen, tall, grown-up version of sing reminded her of shorter. he cracked identical simple-minded jokes, and he did the same stupid things she'd always scold her brother for.   
for the slightest of seconds, she allowed herself to think, how alike they'd be by now if shorter... well, if shorter were there at all.   
nadia shook her head in disbelief, or maybe, plainly to avoid the phantom memories.   
"did you just quote "the suite life of zack and cody" to me?" sing shrugged, "now i know something is most definitely up".  
she released the tiniest of sighs, reaching out to hold his hand softly between hers.   
"i thought you were too old for that reference" he once again tried sidetracking the discussion, but nadia's stern look did not diminish, not even a little.   
"and i thought you were way too young for it" she paused, momentarily, as if she was choosing her next words with a lot of care, "sing, you can tell me anything. we're family".  
he winced at the concept, like it hurt to hear.  
"i know," sing whispered, his tone so suddenly abashed, it did not fit his body, "that's the problem."  
nadia seemed lost for a minute. sing took it as his cue to continue.  
"what if you don't want to listen to what i have to say?"  
"i always do", she answered, hastily. the woman liked to think there was nothing sing could do that'd make her cast him aside. not when they'd both already lost so much...   
but he knew this might be a line he could not cross.

i mean, in all honestly, how do you tell someone you grew to adore like a sister that you think you've... **no,** that you've fallen in love with the guy that she held responsible for her real brother's death?

sing rose to his feet, struggling to find the words. 

"it's about yut" he belatedly uttered, through gritted teeth. 

he could see nadia tensing up at the name, and he didn't blame her, not one bit. 

"what about him?" the question was like a sharp double-edged sword, and sing feared it would pierce right through him. 

he shook his head, as she once again tugged at his hand, before taking him in his arms, enveloping him in a hug, just like his mom used to do.

"i know you spent every second you can at their mansion. it's all the kids talk about when they have lunch here", she whispered in his ear, "they're worried. and so am i". _she did not trust yut-lung_ , not after everything that had happened. he felt like a wolf in sheep's clothing, and she didn't want to lose another brother to some kind of loyalty-fueled type of stupidity.

"it's not like that", sing held nadia as lightly as you'd hold a flower, scared she might crumble beneath his touch. but she didn't. she was tougher than he would ever be. 

"then what is it, between you two?" she asked, keeping sing close to her chest, his wider frame becoming slightly reminiscent of her late younger brother's. though it wasn't the same thing; nadia could recall how shorter smelt with the utmost perfection: it was always that cheap half-assed cologne and those cigarettes he swore-to-god he wasn't smoking. and sing, on the other hand, had the faintest scent of vanilla clinging to his skin.

the boy sighed. nadia's voice was ever so soft and tender, even when he was aware he had to be breaking her heart. his confession felt like a betrayal, and sing hated how he found himself wishing he was stronger. nevertheless, the warmth of her hand resting on the small of his back helped him find his voice, gathering enough confidence to at least stumble through the following statement, "I don't know. I just... I think I might be in love with him."

she balled her hands into fists, sing could feel her anger, her sadness slipping through the hug.   
"and what if he hurts you?" the question escaped her thin lips before she could even think it through. nadia knew she was being unfair, that sing wasn't as dumb as he seemed, that he had to have his reasons.   
but she wasn't about to give yut the benefit of the doubt out of nowhere, was she?  
"he won't" there was a certainty in sing's voice, that nadia had never heard before. not on him, at the very least. he wasn't being harsh, she then realized; he was convinced. he believed what he was saying was the absolute truth.   
he trusted him.   
_he trusted yut-lung lee._   
and there was nothing nadia could truly do about it, except keeping his hand between hers for as long as she could.  
except, maybe, relying on sing's judgement, for a change; giving things a chance.

  
 **except, maybe, making sure she wouldn't lose another brother.**

**Author's Note:**

> thank u all for reading ! ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔっ♡
> 
> this fic was also heavily inspired by this fanart: https://twitter.com/mugi_/status/1036160538223378432  
> ps: happy bday kat


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